Funny Dirty Jokes to Make Ur Friends Sound Wrong

Tell your creepy Uncle Jeff to step aside: It's officially time to reclaim the dirty knock-knock joke once and for all. In the wrong hands, a suggestive joke is pure cringe; it inspires weak, awkward laughter, uncomfortable fidgeting, anxious glances at the clock. But it's not 1980 anymore; dirty jokes are no longer reserved for inappropriate moments at the office party, when it's getting late and your male boss has had one too many egg nogs. It's 2021. Women are at the top. You know when dirty knock-knock jokes are appropriate (with your partner! your friends!), and when they're not (at work, for one).

After all, you're playful. You're fun. You're brimming with youthful glee. Why not let a NSFW knock-knock joke rip every once in a while? Plus, dirty jokes are versatile. They can help you rope in a crush. They can break the ice on a first date. They can make your best friend snort any number of liquids through their nose.

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Heck, you can even apply a dirty knock-knock joke to a long-distance relationship to keep things fun and flirty while your love is away. Sure, sexting is great, but if you're not careful, it can easily get repetitive. There's only so many I-wish-you-were-here-right-now texts you can send before someone hits the snooze button. The best way to crank up the heat—and the laughs—is with a dirty joke that will surprise and delight your partner with your bountiful humor and good spirits.

It may be immature, and it may still produce a cringe or two, but when done right, the dirty knock-knock joke is the perfect way for you to charm the pants off of your crush using nothing but the power of blunt force comedy. So, we scoured the internet and put on our creative thinking caps to bring you: 40 dirty knock-knock jokes that are actually funny enough to use on someone you actually like. The power of the dirty joke is in your hands now. Use it wisely.

1. Knock, knock. (Who's there?) Mayan Ipples. (Mayan Ipples who?) Mayan Ipples are so hard right now.
2. Knock, knock. (Who's there?) Izzy Data. (Izzy Data who?) Izzy Data test tube in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
3. Knock, knock. (Who's there?) A yam. (A yam who?) A yam so wet for you right now.
4. Knock, knock. (Who's there?) Amanda squeeze. (Amanda squeeze who?) You want amanda squeeze you all night?
5. Knock, knock. (Who's there?) Tara. (Tara who?) Tara McClosoff.
6. Knock, knock. (Who's there?) Someone. (Someone who?) Someone who will get you laid.
7. Knock, knock. (Who's there?) [Sexy voice:] Who would you like it to be?
8. Knock, knock. (Who's there?) Justin. (Justin who?) You're justin time to see me strip for you.
9. Knock, knock. (Who's there?) Ben. (Ben who?) Ben down and kiss my booty!
10. Knock, knock. (Who's there?) Ivanna Seymour. (Ivanna Seymour who?) Ivanna Seymour of you, naked.
11. Knock, knock. (Who's there?) Parton! (Parton who?) Parton my lips for you.
12. Knock, knock. (Who's there?) Ivana. (Ivana who?) Ivana kiss you all over.
13. Knock, knock. (Who's there?) Ivan. (Ivan who?) Ivan to do something naughty with you!
14. Knock, knock. (Who's there?) Anita! Anita who? Anita you right now!
15. Knock, knock. (Who's there?) Ida. (Ida who?) Ida rather be naked with you right now.
16. Knock, knock. (Who's there?) Dewey! (Dewey who?) Dewey have a condom handy?
17. Knock, knock. (Who's there?) Ida Comfort. (Ida Comfort who?) Ida comfort you a long time ago if I'd known how hot you are.
18. Knock, knock. (Who's there?) Al. (Al who?) Al let you touch my booty if you open this door.
19. Knock, knock. (Who's there?) Ben Hur. (Ben Hur who?) Ben hur over!
20. Knock, knock. (Who's there?) Iguana. (Iguana who?) Iguana feel you up, baby.
21. Knock, knock. (Who's there?) Ice cream. (Ice cream who?) Ice cream for you all night long.
22. Knock, knock. (Who's there?) Dozer. (Dozer who?) Dozer some great assets you got there.
23. Knock, knock. (Who's there?) Baby owl. (Baby owl who?) Baby owl see you later at my place.
24. Knock, knock. (Who's there?) Howie. (Howie who?) Howie gonna get freaky tonight?
25. Knock, knock. (Who's there?) Gladiator. (Gladiator who?) Gladiator during that threesome.
26. Knock, knock. (Who's there?) Boo. (Boo who?) Will you stop crying if I give you a kiss?
27. Knock, knock. (Who's there?) Orange. (Orange who?) Orange you glad this isn't actually a banana?
28. Knock, knock. (Who's there?) When where. (When where who?) Tonight, my place, you and me.
29. Knock, knock. (Who's there?) Do you want two CDs? (Do you want two CDs who?) Do you want to CDs nudes?
30. Knock, knock. (Who's there?) Jamaican. (Jamaican who?) Jamaican me horny.
31. Knock, knock. (Who's there?) Anita. (Anita who?) Anita you inside me.
32. Knock, knock. (Who's there?) Waiter. (Waiter who?) Just waiter I get my hands on you.
33. Knock, knock. (Who's there?) Baghdad. (Baghdad who?) I'd love to see you Baghdad ass up.
34. Knock, knock. (Who's there?) Disguise. (Disguise who?) Disguise your boyfriend? I can do you better.
35. Knock, knock. (Who's there?) Ike Anne. (Ike Anne who?) Ike Anne rock your world, baby.
36. Knock, knock. (Who's there?) Phil. (Phil who?) Phil McCrackin.
37. Knock, knock. (Who's there?) Orange. (Orange who?) Orange you excited to see me naked later?
38. Knock, knock. (Who's there?) Lisa. (Lisa who?) Lisa you could do is help me get these pants off.
39. Knock, knock. (Who's there?) King Yvonne. (King Yvonne who?) Kinky Von Kinkster, at your service.
40. Knock, knock. (Who's there?) Boss bank. (Boss bank who?) Boss bank you tonight if you're naughty.

Emma Glassman-Hughes Emma Glassman-Hughes (she/her) is a freelance writer for Cosmopolitan and a part-time editor at the Boston Globe.

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